One year into your rule, you’ve accomplished little while losing the love of much of your populace. I recommend to you my work The Prince. Within this little book, I’ve summarized many useful rules for governing a newly acquired republic. These rules and warnings could save you significant grief in your endeavor to rule.

On your rise to power:

And since the very fact that from being a private citizen he has become a prince presupposes either ability or good fortune… the less a man has relied on fortune the stronger he has made his position.

You displayed great ability in rising in the ranks of your party. Your usurpation of the Clinton dynasty was very impressive indeed. You also inherited great fortune by running against a party that had lost much of its popular support under the previous ruler.

I would caution you against relying too much on good fortune and the good will of the populace in the future however. This will prove difficult, as you have proven little ability beyond that of being elected. You had never governed, written legislation, or any military experience, and this will be to your detriment as a ruler.

On unconstitutional rule:

It should be borne in mind that there is nothing more difficult to handle, more doubtful of success, and more dangerous to carry through than initiating changes in a state’s constitution… men are generally incredulous, never really trusting new things unless they have tested them by experience.

In your attempts to change the constitution of your republic towards socialism, you have alienated the majority of the population. As a democratically elected leader, you have exposed yourself to impending removal from office in the next election cycle. It would be prudent then to govern the people under the constitution to which they are accustomed.

photo credit: AP

On social programs:

There is nothing so self-defeating as generosity: in the act of practicing it, you lose the ability to do so, and you become either poor and despised or, seeking to escape poverty, rapacious and hated. A prince must try to avoid, above all else, being despised and hated; and generosity results in your being both.

Mr. Obama, your commitment to social programs makes you despised and your country poor. You are despised by those you loot in order to fund these lavish and wasteful institutions. As a ruler of a democracy, it would be wise not to garner the hatred of the wealthy in order to gain favor with the poor. By destroying the wealth of the rich, the entire country suffers as a result.

photo credit: moonbattery.com

Therefore it is wiser to incur the reputation of being a miser, which brings forth ignominy but not hatred, than to be forced by seeking a name for generosity to incur a reputation for rapacity, which brings you hatred as well as ignominy

It is clear that lavish spending only alienates and harms the citizens of the state. Instead, a ruler should be frugal and only experience the shame of having to do so. This is preferable to the combined shame of destroying your state and hatred from the people who will subsequently vote you out of office.

On your advisers:

The first opinion that is formed of a ruler’s intelligence is based on the quality of the men he has around him. When they are competent and loyal he can always be considered wise, because he has been able to recognize their competence and to keep them loyal.

You have assembled many experts in the field of socialism, but few in knowledge of fiscal responsibility. Your appointees have been fraudulent in their payment of taxes, and it is unwise to put them in charge of financial concerns. This will result in unwise fiscal policy and incur the distrust and hatred of the citizens over which you rule.

photo credit: moonbattery.com

As mentioned above, the aim of changing the constitution is unwise and will result in hatred for you and your staff. Likewise, your appointing of czars is antidemocratic and will garner the hatred of the people. Men, being accustomed to rule by elected officials, will view the power held by these unelected officials as abusive and unjust.

Furthermore, you must maintain the loyalty of your advisers:

When you see a minister thinking more of himself than of you, and seeking his own profit in everything he does, such a one will never be a good minister, you will never be able to trust him.

It should be very disconcerting to you that your Secretary of State, and former opponent, Hillary Clinton did not attend your State of the Union address. This shows disloyalty, a distancing of herself from the ruler, and her possible ambitions towards taking power. It would be wise to respond with one of these two options. Be considerate towards Clinton, increase her power and wealth to the point that she becomes dependent on your good will. Otherwise, remove her from her post for her disloyal actions.

In conclusion, you should consider reading my work as a guide towards a longer rule. The above examples are only a few that apply to your situation. If I were not dead, I would surely be requesting a position in your cabinet. Alas, I must retire back to the spirit realm and continue my discussions with Plato and Aristotle.

Yours in spirit,

Niccolò Machiavelli

Barack Obama’s legislative and executive inexperience was frequently exposed during the 2008 presidential election, only to be excused by supporters with the argument that: Obama will listen closely to his advisers. After his electoral victory, President Obama showed concerned citizens who his advisers are through cabinet appointments and czar concoctions.

Upon further examination, many of these advisers are radicals with many agendas, few qualifications, and shady dealings. Obama’s Safe Schools Czar, Kevin Jennings, was selected due to his organization of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). GLSEN is responsible for promoting dangerous sexual activity to children as young as 14. Timothy Geithner, United States Secretary of the Treasury, was appointed to tackle tax evaders despite his own history of tax evasion. Anita Dunn, White House Communications Director, led a failed attack on the Fox News Network, and has stepped down from office.

None of these appointments placate the citizen concerned with Obama’s inexperience or political leanings. In fact, each adviser shows signs of radicalism, inexperience, and corruption. With all these thoughts tumbling in my mind, I stumbled across this magazine cover in the checkout isle of my local grocer.

What an unfortunate cover story to publish right before the discovery of Tiger’s mistresses, who now number in the double digits. It is surprising that Obama hasn’t appointed a “Publicity Czar” in order to recall all copies of Golf Digest’s January 2010 Issue. Perhaps Chris Matthews at MSNBC has the proper qualifications, or leg tingling sensations, for the job.

In light of Tiger’s infidelity, here is an updated list of “10 Tips Obama can take from Tiger.

1.  Don’t lie if you cheat on your wife

This tip could have saved Bill Clinton from impeachment. Remember that he wasn’t impeached for infidelity; he was impeached for perjuring himself.

2.  Don’t “Just Do It”

Just because you can have a dozen or more mistresses, doesn’t mean you should. The “if it feels good, do it” mentality of the 60’s is no way to run a country.

3.  Don’t leave your Blackberry lying around

It was a hassle for Obama to keep his Blackberry upon becoming president, but he better be careful how he uses it and where he leaves it.

4.  Keep Michelle away from the presidential golf clubs

Still not convinced Tiger got his wounds exclusively from his car accident? Neither am I.

5.  Don’t t-off the tea party protesters

There’s only so much wasteful spending the taxpayer can tolerate.

6.  If you’re playing the wrong hole, take the penalty and move on.

As 1994 proved for Clinton, government mandated healthcare is unpopular legislation.

7.  Be careful where you put your stimulus package.

Funneling taxpayer money to ACORN, sponsor of prostitution, is a no-no.

8.  Rules and regulations won’t stop cheaters.

The answer to corporate greed isn’t a “pay czar,” and Bush’s deregulation didn’t cause the current financial crisis.

9.  Look out for sand traps.

As commander-in-chief, Obama has one shot to succeed in Afghanistan. He needs make it count.

10.  Don’t let fame go to your head.

Obama may be the media darling now, but it’s surprising how suddenly the tides can turn.

The article in question says that Tiger and Obama are, “two men [who] might have much to talk about, like siblings separated at birth.” Now it will be interesting to watch if Tiger can salvage his marriage, sponsors, and golfing career. Similarly, can Obama save healthcare, the Afghanistan war, and the democrats in 2010 and 2012? Let’s “hope” Obama can learn from these tips and “change” his ways.

Download audio file (wtp-stimulus.mp3)

Economy Enlargement Stimulus Package

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Hi, my name is Harry and I work for a “non-profit” organization in Washington DC. I had a lean market economy and I badly wanted to make it bigger and more manageable… I had heard that centrally planned economy was cool, but I was embarrassed to try it out.

Well Harry, forget the old, flexible, trickle-down economy of the past! The new Economy Enlargement Stimulus Package will penetrate your community from the bottom up, distributing equally for everybody.

When I did try Economy Enlargement Stimulus Package, I didn’t notice much “change” at first. But within weeks my economy already looked bigger. My fellow Senators and I couldn’t believe it.

Economy Enlargement Stimulus Package is not for everybody.

Side Effects May Include:

Laziness, rationing, inability to manufacture cars, unemployment, universal healthcare, election fraud, reduced carbon emissions, loss of secret ballot, confiscation of firearms, murder of the unborn, and decreased national security.

Stimulus lasting more than 4 years is dangerous and may result in a Republican takeover.

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Download audio file (wtp-damnfinal.mp3)

Check it out. We the Peeps comin’ at ya.

Lyrics

Damn it feels good to be a democrat
A real statist democrat plays his votes right
A real statist democrat never votes his effing mind
Cuz real statist democracts vote present

And dems always like high taxes
Real statist democrats try n spend more
But real statist democrats don’t stop there
Givin all o’ the wealth to the poor

And everything’s cool in the mind of a statist
Cuz statist democrats wear pink
Votin’ party line payin all the people’s bills
Cuz real statist democrats don’t think

All all I gotta say to you
wannabe, gonnabe, gun totin, bible thumpin, rednecks
when the red states go blue, what you gunna do?
damn it feels good to be a democrat

And Now a word from the President

Damn it feels good to be a statist
gettin voted into the white house
everything lookin good to the people in the hood
but the Daley family’s still my boss

so every now and then I let em write my speeches down
and put em up on a teleprompter screen
and bring em to the world community
cuz the rhetoric is strong with me

So voters in the unions keep supportin me
and I promise you’ll get to build cars
even though you’ve lost all your privacy
a secret ballot won’t get you very far

And all you republicans who helped me to win
I’d sincerely like to thank you
Cuz now I got the Senate and I’ve got Arlen
And damn it feels good to have Specter