Ten Tiger Tips for Obama
by Matt Donatelli
Barack Obama’s legislative and executive inexperience was frequently exposed during the 2008 presidential election, only to be excused by supporters with the argument that: Obama will listen closely to his advisers. After his electoral victory, President Obama showed concerned citizens who his advisers are through cabinet appointments and czar concoctions.
Upon further examination, many of these advisers are radicals with many agendas, few qualifications, and shady dealings. Obama’s Safe Schools Czar, Kevin Jennings, was selected due to his organization of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). GLSEN is responsible for promoting dangerous sexual activity to children as young as 14. Timothy Geithner, United States Secretary of the Treasury, was appointed to tackle tax evaders despite his own history of tax evasion. Anita Dunn, White House Communications Director, led a failed attack on the Fox News Network, and has stepped down from office.
None of these appointments placate the citizen concerned with Obama’s inexperience or political leanings. In fact, each adviser shows signs of radicalism, inexperience, and corruption. With all these thoughts tumbling in my mind, I stumbled across this magazine cover in the checkout isle of my local grocer.
What an unfortunate cover story to publish right before the discovery of Tiger’s mistresses, who now number in the double digits. It is surprising that Obama hasn’t appointed a “Publicity Czar” in order to recall all copies of Golf Digest’s January 2010 Issue. Perhaps Chris Matthews at MSNBC has the proper qualifications, or leg tingling sensations, for the job.
In light of Tiger’s infidelity, here is an updated list of “10 Tips Obama can take from Tiger.
1. Don’t lie if you cheat on your wife
This tip could have saved Bill Clinton from impeachment. Remember that he wasn’t impeached for infidelity; he was impeached for perjuring himself.
2. Don’t “Just Do It”
Just because you can have a dozen or more mistresses, doesn’t mean you should. The “if it feels good, do it” mentality of the 60’s is no way to run a country.
3. Don’t leave your Blackberry lying around
It was a hassle for Obama to keep his Blackberry upon becoming president, but he better be careful how he uses it and where he leaves it.
4. Keep Michelle away from the presidential golf clubs
Still not convinced Tiger got his wounds exclusively from his car accident? Neither am I.
5. Don’t t-off the tea party protesters
There’s only so much wasteful spending the taxpayer can tolerate.
6. If you’re playing the wrong hole, take the penalty and move on.
As 1994 proved for Clinton, government mandated healthcare is unpopular legislation.
7. Be careful where you put your stimulus package.
Funneling taxpayer money to ACORN, sponsor of prostitution, is a no-no.
8. Rules and regulations won’t stop cheaters.
The answer to corporate greed isn’t a “pay czar,” and Bush’s deregulation didn’t cause the current financial crisis.
9. Look out for sand traps.
As commander-in-chief, Obama has one shot to succeed in Afghanistan. He needs make it count.
10. Don’t let fame go to your head.
Obama may be the media darling now, but it’s surprising how suddenly the tides can turn.
The article in question says that Tiger and Obama are, “two men [who] might have much to talk about, like siblings separated at birth.” Now it will be interesting to watch if Tiger can salvage his marriage, sponsors, and golfing career. Similarly, can Obama save healthcare, the Afghanistan war, and the democrats in 2010 and 2012? Let’s “hope” Obama can learn from these tips and “change” his ways.
